Do Many of the Values We Are Conditioned to Hold Belong to Someone Else?
When our external persona and authentic self are at diametric odds, health eludes us.
“Excessive identification with socially imposed duty, role, and responsibility at the expense of one’s own needs can [radically] jeopardize health.” -Gabor Maté, MD
Our world tells us, explicitly and implicitly, to behave in ways aligned with the dominant idea(s) du jour. We receive rewards when we comply, even if this goes against our values and intuition. And we often become outliers, scapegoats, and the cause of society's ills if we openly voice how the dominant ideas do not align with our authentic truth.
Both scenarios are dangerous, in my opinion. The former, however, begs the question:
How often do we stop and ask ourselves what this self-betrayal is doing to our health?
The human body is equipped with a bidirectional pathway connecting the brain and immune system and provides the foundation for immune function influenced by our behaviors. This somewhat emerging concept is called psychoneuroimmunology, which observes the interactions between behavioral, neural, endocrine, and immune processes.
The stress, depression, anxiety, and other central nervous system disturbances we experience when misaligned with our authentic selves can be catastrophic to our immunity and total well-being.
Of course, autonomy exists on a spectrum when living in a healthy, functioning society. Showing up as a thoughtful and responsible human being is vital to the success of the interdependent whole. However, we now live in the extremes where excessive identification with hyper-imposed beliefs and values reins.
On this dysfunctional end of the spectrum, we must rapidly "fix" and abandon the values that create reasonable, health-promoting autonomy.
In its most elemental form, we're talking about self-perception based on external validation, a topic I often dissect with my executive clients. And when self-perception is dramatically morphed away from our instincts to our socially imposed duties, roles, and responsibilities, we find ourselves in a direct and utterly health-damaging internal conflict.
Unfortunately, this is the destiny of many. It's subtle and covert but operates almost continuously in our psyche.
In your quietest moments of self-honesty, do some of the values and beliefs you are repeatedly conditioned to hold not belong to you? Do you disagree with certain narratives yet hold your tongue for fear of punishment or exile? Do you feel groomed to meet the status quo, belong at all costs, and achieve the imposed social roles-and accompanying external successes-no matter how colossal the impact to your health?
If so, why? What is the ultimate cost of your silence?
The risk-benefit ratio of self-betrayal will never be worth it to people like me.
I choose joy. I choose autonomy. I choose to love unconditionally.
I want to listen to, understand, and learn from you.
I want to create meaningful change in the world. I want to experience frequent enormous belly laughs, eat organic farm-fresh food, breathe fresh air, feel the warm sun on my bare skin, move my body, heal-and show others how to do the same, explore, slow down, play, sit in nature, travel, take breaks, flow, chase the light, share my truth, and connect authentically with other human beings.
Those are my values. And the choice to align with them daily, in every conversation and interaction, not only creates sustainable innate health but also provides the most precise and consistent alignment in this noisy dualistic world.
Please join me. It's stunning over here.